I have been waiting for the perfect moment to sit and write this year but the greatest reflection has been that there is no perfect moment in life. My life has been filled with many joyous moments, and some incredibly challenging ones as well. I had weddings, life lost, hearts broken, and love becoming one through the marriage of friends. The thing about life is the moments all seep together like one bowl of trail mix. I want to pick out just the M&Ms with the perfect amount of salt to chocolate ratio but we will also have the raisins (sorry to the raisins fans–they are not good when compared). Life is the same way–we can’t always pick out the perfect.
Each year I pick my theme for the year and 2024 is no different. I picked the theme for the year to be mindfulness. Yet, the word given to me at a church service was acceptance. I am writing this learning to accept the messy parts of life, and to stop trying to pick out the raisins of my trail mix.
I am accepting the kind of life where you go to Sonic and purchase a drink while crying, or the one where your friends pick you and say this time you don’t have to be strong even though every other time you have been. This is the kind of life that we don’t post on Facebook or Instagram because those only give us the filtered aspects of our lives (although that's the pictures we should probably see more of).
I start by writing this after being called and told that my life was the center of a dinner table conversation by people who did not know me. The missing link for their conversation is that they don’t really know me or what has actually happened in my real life- instead they are talking about what they knew from the images I shared on social media and the ones left out.
I write this to share not because I want pity or to call out the group, but to reflect on how we got to this point. These are my takeaways from this experience and ones for others to reflect on:
Social media and the lack of authentic conversations have made people fear talking about the messy. If we can have the perfect image in public, on our social media, and even around others, we lose the ability to be authentic when the life we thought we were building falls apart.
It's easier for us to watch someone else's world not be perfect, talk about them, and not be there when needed. It’s more emotional and time consuming to pick up the phone and talk with them.
If you are ina conversation of gossip: when is the last time you engaged the person you are talking about? Do you know the facts?
We compare ourselves to other people and the image that they have shared. Many times self doubts and comparison is what leads to awful behavior and petty gossip with someone.
As I am into the second half of ‘24, my unofficial word is going to be messy– to fully embrace where life is at because right now, my hope is that more people are open to that same challenge.
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